Finding Energy for the Bedroom
By Julia Loggins
Of course we want clear, sustained energy so that we can show up for everything we care about with strength and stamina. We know that toxicity, of all kinds, messes with that goal. It especially messes with it in the bedroom: it’s hard — or impossible — to be present, passionate and playful when we feel like crap, mentally and physically. So here’s three steps to liberate your libido, so your sexual connection comes authentically from how great you feel about your own body, and how it feels to engage your body and mind. They may not be the three steps your therapist will tell you, and that’s fine, because I’m a big believer in “It takes a village”!
1) Just Do It
Reach out when you want to run away. Say “I love you” when you feel that wall between you. Touch your lover’s face and really look in their eyes when they come around the corner into the kitchen. Take that extra minute to confront the conditioning that most of us were brought up with that says, “Hold back!” No one ever lay on their deathbed and said, “Damn, I really loved too much!” Conditioning is often the most toxic thing any of us deal with. Therapy and self-help books are incredibly useful, and I’m a huge proponent of growth-oriented studies, but, ultimately, we just have to be bold enough to get out of our own way, and go for it. You don’t have to do anything you don’t feel like doing — ever — but, sometimes the “I don’t feel like it” comes from an old “tape” that discourages love, pleasure or even, having a better marriage or relationship than your parents did. How to bust through that? Just, do it, one little break-through moment at a time.
2) Tell the Truth About How You Feel
Next step is to take the risk of truth-telling. If you’ve had a crummy day, just say it: describe it, how it makes you feel, and then move on. The reason most of us don’t move on and carry our troubles into the bedroom is that we never really told the truth about how we were hurt, or how angry we got and why, and how it made us feel. We hold it in. Ask the person you love to really listen, for five minutes, and then do the same for them. Women, of coarse, need to do this more than men!
3) Eat and Drink for Love
What are you putting in your body to fuel and hydrate you, and is it working for you? So often what we’ve eaten or drank makes us feel so awful, we aren’t in the mood for anything, except Alka-Seltzer. Lots of green vegetables and clean proteins nurture our libidos without without over-stuffing us. And if we’re dehydrated, we get headaches and feel exhausted and out of gas. Water, water and more water, all day! Stress kills the libido. Essential oils and homeopathic remedies can relieve stress so we can receive and express love.